Is it normal that women in Germany get upset if a (foreign) male pays for dinner, movies and stuff like that? This has happened to me a couple of time, one girl even tried to explain me that she doesn't go for that "macho-attitude". Any advice? If they want to pay for their bills - fine with me - but it just seems so weird
05 Aug 2005, 03:44
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Don't tell me that women in New Zealand are even more obsessed than over here!!! I mean, what's wrong with inviting a girl for a dinner?? She can invite you the next time if she wants to, but no - she has to pay HER bill. Which pretty much fits that German obsession of separating bills everywhere - maybe it's not even a male-female thing, but a general lack of ability to just share and invite other people for something!!!!
may I can bring some light in from a German women point of view. Spoken from my experience, once we got invited by a German ? guy, he often expects more thn we are willing to offer on the first evening. Sadly I have got so many friends who made this experience. Seems a lot of them think "I paid for the dinner, so I paid for her too" I personally like to get invited and been treated ladylike but unfortunately I always got in my mind that something unexpected may turn up.
I think seperating bills gives a lot of girls the idea of not owe someone something. Bizarre society...
From my experience, some German women are just a little bit weird with foreigners a) because they are with a foreigner and b) because they find it hard to break out of very German ways of behaviour which seem strange to foreigners.
First advice is be careful with German girls who have not spent some time out of Germany - they seen to be more closed. Second advice is to keep on talking to them - if soemthing seems weird, talk about or make it a joke (be careful). If you manage to get to a situation of intimacy, a lot of the difficulties dissapear. If the come back, just chat!!!
There are few good things I can say about living in Germany, however I was suprised as how easy it is to have sex with German women. Basically, you don't have to do anything, they will try to seduce you themselves for a couple of nights... If you don't wish to have sex, you'll spend a lot of time refusing... On the other hand, most German women are so ugly, it's difficult to get excited about them.
i'm a girl from berlin and i think it's hillarious how you guys analyse us ! we have so many different kinds of girls here, i don't think that you will ever find a pattern or some kind of law that you can use on every german girl. in my opinion it's quite a good thing, if the male offers to pay the bill, but i still think, that he should accept a "no" without questioning too much. if i don't like a guy and he wants to pay for me, i don't want him to do so, because i don't want to give him the feeling of a chance to get with me. anyway, if i like a guy i usually don't want him to pay everything (of course i wouldn't get upset if he does *g*!), just because it would be unfair for men to spend all their money on women, since nowadays women are pretty independent and can work for their own money ...
anonymous chick from berlin
17 Jan 2008, 10:15 -
I've never been to germany and met only few german women. I've taken an interest because yesterday at a night club in london I met a gorgeous german woman in her early thirties who was independent, strong and beautiful. She seemed so friendly and we had an amazing, magical evening. I don't speak german and she doesn't speak english very well, but we were communicating with each other through dance, eye contact, hugs and kisses. . I'm personally fine with going "dutch" in paying bills, but apart from that, are there any universally loved traits that german woman like in foreign men? What kind of adventurous physical activities do they enjoy?eg snowboarding, bunjee jumping, zipper cable riding. What kind of mentally/aesthetically stimulating activities do they enjoy? eg spirituality, art, philosophy, yoga... I like these kind of things and i was wondering( rather hoping ) that german women ( whom i know very little about ) also like them.
I fully agree with "anonymous chick from Berlin" - if the woman wants to go Dutch on the first date and you don't hear from her afterwards, it means that she's not into you, and she did not want to raise any hopes.
If she is paying her part of the bill, but agrees on further dates, you can assume that she likes you, but either is shy/has been hurt before or does not want to put the entire financial weight on your shoulders.
At least this would be my interpretation from my perspective.
Also, in my opinion it depends on your nationality and behaviour. If I know that in your culture it goes without saying that the man should pay, or if I can deduct from your behaviour that you have been educated this way, I will accept you paying. Nevertheless, I always hope that you still regard me as an independent woman!
I'm from Milan and my girlfriend is from Hamburg. I had the same problem 5 years ago in the beginning. In my opinion there are 2 issues. first in Germany is lost in the relations between male and woman what in Italy we call "galateo", (etiquette) rules for ladies and gentlemen: this is a result of the war of feminism, that here was particullary strong. Second the german women like to have all under control. Also a simple bill can disturbe this. It's a side of their indipendence, that for a lot of other stuff it'great!
that´s not right.. German Woman are not obsessed with their independence.. it is just appearance.. they like to make this image, but it is not true.. you can see here in Germany that most of the people would like the conservativ life .. even when they said that they want to be independent,.. they prefer the typish roll.. Mutter und to be "Hausfrau" ..just less than 30% keep an independent Life..
Mindgames? I've never met a German woman that plays mindgames. I think most German women are just cautious when with a man,whether he's German or otherwise. I married a German girl from Dresden. She has never played mindgames with me nor intends to. I say,if the lady in question wants to pay for something,she's being kind or just saying in her own way. "Don't waste all your money on me." It was weird the first time we met when she offered to pay her end of the dinner bill but I grew to admire that. The fact she wanted show that there was a bit of pride in her independence. If you want mindgames..try a few American girls but in the end regardless of Nationality,both men and women can play mindgames.
.. actually most of the german women want to get into the "traditional" roll and they prefer to be the "housewife" .. and as they receive the called "Kindergeld" they do not want to be in the profesional way.. i think they are just envy about another cultur that could be femenin and at the same time independent
men all over the world think that if they pay for your dinner then you should not resist their advances (even if you do not like them or would prefer to get to know them better first) and you are more likely to have to "fight them off" or get into an awkward situation because they have "given you money by paying for your food" - so then you give back, what? the pleasure of your conversation? riiiight. it's the obvious - what all of them want). paying for our own dinner prevents them from "imposing" their own expectations on us and allows us to make our own decisions about who we sleep with independent of efforts to "skew the balance" by paying for something
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I don't agree with Zdziwiony, yes compared to the women in the states German girls may seem easier to have sex with but, from what I have experienced (Been living in Germany for 6 months now) its another cultural difference. As far as paying for meals and dates. I have met both types of women. One girl I dated started out paying for her own stuff on dates but after I insisted she stopped even offering. However another girl I dated prefered more of a taking turns kind of paying. The one thing I have noticed is that German women tend to be friendlier than American women by far. Even if they aren't interested in you they will let you know but that doesn't mean they won't talk to you or even dance.
im replying to someone who said german women are obsessed with their independence.. that is so true... haha im german and i totally dont care about tradition and i think things should be equal in relationships.. we just dont like seeming like high maintenance bitches..
I am latifah from Saudi Arabia I want to make friends with a german girl.I like to have contact with other cultures.I know nothing about German culture and german people and don't know how do they even look like!!
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Hi Im from Mexico and a girl From Germany its coming to California and then shes coming to Tijuana Mexico for the Weekend, Any suggestions about where to take her (cultural sites, bars, night clubs) and more important what not to do or comment
i m so sorry to correct what you´d wortten.. but many many German women like to be maintenance .. thats about independence is just a mythos .. in each other culture you could find (leider) the same situation.. just the women do not want to accept it...
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Thank you for supporting us German women. Reading through the other comments I feel that I have to be a bitch, paying my own bills and can only be married for a visa. Thanks a lot. We are exactly the same as anywhere. We want to be respected, treated nicely and in the end hope to find a man who will love us and care for us. Show me one man who doesn't want love and caring as well.