British Culture

Who are the British? What are they like?

Let’s take a candid and totally prejudiced look at the British people, tongue firmly in cheek, and hope they forgive my flippancy or that they don’t read this bit.

The typical Briton is introspective, patriotic, insular, xenophobic, brave, small-minded, polite, insecure, arrogant, a compulsive gambler, humorous, reserved, conservative, reticent, hypocritical, a racist, boring, a royalist, condescending, depressed, a keen gardener, semi-literate, hard-working, unambitious, ironic, passionless, cosmopolitan, a whinger, hard-headed, liberal, a traditionalist, a couch potato, obsequious, a masochist, complacent, homely, pragmatic, cynical, decent, melancholic, unhealthy, a poor cook, pompous, eccentric, inebriated, proud, self-deprecating, tolerant, inhibited, a shopaholic, conceited, courageous, idiosyncratic, mean (a bad tipper), courteous, jingoistic, stuffy, overweight, well-mannered, pessimistic, disciplined, a habitual queuer, stoic, modest, gloomy, shy, serious, apathetic, honest, wimpish, fair, snobbish, friendly, quaint, decadent, civilised, dogmatic, scruffy, prejudiced, class conscious and a soccer hooligan.

If the above list contains a few contradictions, it’s because there’s no such thing as a typical Briton and very few people conform to the standard British stereotype (whatever that is). Apart from the multifarious differences in character between the people from different parts of England (particularly between those from the north and south), the population of the UK encompasses a disparate mixture of Scots, Welsh, Irish and assorted ethnic groups originating from throughout the British Commonwealth, other EU countries (including hundreds of thousands from new member countries in recent years), plus miscellaneous foreigners from all corners of the globe who have chosen to make the UK their home (London is the most ethnically diverse city in the world).

Class Systems

One of the things which initially confuses foreigners living in the UK is its class system, which is a curious British affectation. Entry to the upper class echelons is rooted in birthright and ill-bred upstarts with pots of ‘new’ money (particularly foreigners with unpronounceable names), find they’re unable to buy entry to the most exclusive clubs and homes of England (even when they’re seriously rich). Many Britons are obsessed with class and for some, maintaining or improving their position on the social ladder is a full-time occupation (the ultimate aim being to acquire a knighthood or peerage). The rest of us pretend we’re a ‘better’ class than we actually are, with the exception of a few politicians who are busy trying to live down their privileged past in order to court popularity with the underprivileged masses.

At the top of the heap there’s the upper class (the ‘blue-bloods’ or aristocracy), crowned by the British royal family, followed at a respectable distance by the middle class (which is subdivided into upper middle class, middle middle class, and lower middle class), the working class or lower class, and two relatively new categories that are the inevitable legacy of the unbridled market economy of the last two decades: the underclass and the beggar class. In the UK, people were traditionally officially classified according to their occupations under classes A to E. However, owing to the burgeoning of the middle class in the last few decades (we are all middle class now), the government has introduced no fewer than 17 new classes (including a meritocratic super class of top professionals and managers earning zillions a year). Class is, of course, wholly unimportant in the UK, provided you attended public school, speak with the right accent and have pots of inherited money.

The UK has been uncharitably described (with a hint of truth) as a society based on privilege, inherited wealth and contacts. Class is also what divides the bosses from the workers in the UK and the class struggle is at the root of many industrial disputes. It has certainly re-ignited over the past couple of years. A blue-collar (manual) worker must never accept a position that elevates him to the ranks of the lower middle class (a white-collar job), otherwise his workmates will no longer speak to him and he will be banned from the local working men’s club. (As a consolation he may be accepted as a member at the Conservative club). Similarly, middle-class management must never concede an inch to the workers and, most importantly, must never have direct discussions with them about anything, particularly pay rises or a reduction in working hours.

British Food

One thing that would probably cause a strike in any country is British food, particularly in most company canteens and restaurants, where everything is served with chips or ice-cream. Of course, British food isn’t always as bad as it’s painted by foreigners. (What can people who eat anything that crawls, jumps, swims or flies, possibly know about real food?). While it’s true that British food is often bland, may look terrible and can make you sick, for most people it’s just a matter of getting used to it. (What’s wrong with a diet of brown sauce, chips, biscuits and tea, anyway?). After all, it’s usually necessary to become acclimatised to the food in most foreign countries.

However, it’s difficult not to have some sympathy with foreigners who think that many British ‘restaurants’ should post health warnings and be equipped with an emergency medical centre. (There’s nothing wrong with British food that a good stomach pump cannot cure). It may come as a surprise to many foreigners to learn that British bookshops are bursting with cookery books and they aren’t all written by foreigners. The UK also has many popular television cookery programmes that usually feature eccentric (and excellent) chefs and scrumptious looking food. The British can console themselves with the knowledge that they (or some of them) at least know how to behave at the table, even if they don’t have much idea what to serve on it.

To compensate for their deficiencies in the kitchen, the British are famous for their love of wine (or anything alcoholic) and are among the world’s foremost (self-appointed) experts on the character and qualities of good wine, although they’re often better talkers than drinkers. In the UK, a wine may be described as having intense aromas and flavours of berries, bramble-jelly, morello cherries, peppery spices, mint, toffee and a hint of honey. The secret of dining in the UK is to drink a lot as, when you’re drunk, most food tastes okay. The British even make their own wine; not only home-brewed stuff made from elderberries and other strange fruit, but also real commercially-produced wine made from grapes! Although it isn’t exactly causing panic among continental wine producers, some of it’s quite palatable.

Drinking habbits

Contrary to popular belief, the British aren’t all drunks and are languishing in a fairly lowly 12th position in the alcohol consumption league among the world’s top 30 developed countries. The British do at least know how to make a good cuppa (tea) and don’t believe in polluting it with lemon or herbs (just milk and/or sugar). The British recipe for any national disaster, whether it’s a cricket thrashing at the hands of the Aussies or a power cut during Coronation Street, is to make a ‘nice cup of tea’. Tea is drunk at almost any time (approaching 200 million cups a day), not just in the morning or ‘afternoon tea’. Many Britons drink tea in the same quantities as other Europeans drink mineral water or wine.

Unfortunately, coffee is a different matter altogether and although the British have been drinking it since the 16th century (long before tea), they have yet to master the art of brewing a half-decent pot, which just goes to show that practice doesn’t always make perfect. The British don’t do anything by halves and their coffee, almost always instant, is easily the worst in the world (it would help if they actually used real coffee beans).

Socializing

You may sometimes get the impression that the British are an unfriendly lot, as your neighbours won’t always say hello and probably won’t drop by or invite you to their home for a cup of tea. (If they offer coffee, invent an urgent appointment!). As an outsider, it may be left to you to make the first move, although if you drop by uninvited, your neighbours may think that you’re being pushy and just trying to sneak a look at their home. Northerners are generally friendly and warm-hearted, particularly when compared with the detached and aloof southerners who won’t usually give you the time of day. If your southern neighbour does condescend to speak to you, he’s likely to greet you with the ritual “How are you?” This doesn’t, of course, mean “How are you feeling mentally, physically or spiritually?”, but simply “Hello”. The questioner usually couldn’t care less whether you’re fighting fit or on your death bed. The ritual answer is (even if you’ve just had a heart and lung transplant) “Fine, thank you – how are you?”

If you wish to start a conversation with your neighbour (or anyone), a remark such as “nice weather” usually elicits a response (particularly if it’s raining cats and dogs). The weather is a hallowed topic and it’s the duty of every upstanding citizen to make daily weather predictions because of the awful hash made of it by the meteorologists. The UK has rather a lot of weather and there’s often rain, gales, fog, snow and a heat wave in the same day (although the weather is always described as ‘nice’ or ‘not very nice’). When it snows, everyone and everything is paralysed and people start predicting the end of civilisation as we know it.

The British stick steadfastly to their Fahrenheit temperature measures and many people haven’t a clue whether 20?C is boiling hot, lukewarm or freezing. The seasons are a mite erratic, but, as a rough guide, winter lasts for around 11 months, with a break of a couple of weeks for spring and autumn, and (in a good year) a couple of days for summer. There is, however, no truth in the rumour that all the world’s bad weather originates in the British Isles (some of it must come from somewhere else!). The British will do anything to escape for a few weeks to sunnier climes (whatever do they find to talk about on holiday when the sky is boringly blue each day?), even going so far as to spend days in an airport lounge for the dubious pleasure of a few weeks in a half-built hotel, bathing in polluted seas and getting sick on foreign food. The fact that no people anywhere have shown such a consistent desire to emigrate as the British may have more than a little to do with the climate.

Dialects

It’s a common misconception among many foreigners that the British all speak English. There are numerous accents and dialects, half of which are so thick that you could be forgiven for thinking that people are conversing in an ancient secret language. A Briton’s accent and choice of words is usually a dead giveaway as to his upbringing. For example, you can safely bet that someone who says, “One feels that one has a certain obligation to one’s social peers to attend Royal Ascot, even though one doesn’t really care for horse racing oneself”, isn’t from London’s East End. One-third of the British use such long words that most of us cannot even pronounce them (let alone understand them) and some 25 per cent are immigrants who speak only Hindi, Bengali, Chinese, French, Gujarati, Arabic, Xhosa, Russian, Punjabi, Swahili, Urdu, Italian, Turkish, Spanish, Esperanto, Yiddish or Polish.

The rest are tourists, who usually speak the best English of all, but unfortunately don’t remain in one place long enough to hold a conversation with anyone. Some foreigners actually pay real money to come to England to learn English, which is part of a grand plot to get them to teach us how to talk proper at their expense. If you’re a foreigner and speak good English, you can always practise with other foreigners who you will understand perfectly. If you have a few problems writing English and tend to get all the words mixed up (to say nothing of the damned spelling), fear not; you will be in excellent company as many British are barely literate (the average Briton’s vocabulary is around 1,000 words or 500 for tabloid newspaper readers). The best compliment a foreigner can receive from a native is that his English is rather unusual or unorthodox, as he will then blend in with the rest of us and won’t be taken for an alien. (If you speak perfect English you will be instantly exposed as a foreigner).

Many Britons are prejudiced against all foreigners and the English are also prejudiced against English from other regions, Irish, Scots, Welsh, Yanks, Europeans, most other foreigners and anyone who speaks with a different (i.e. lower class) accent. However, don’t be concerned, as British xenophobia always refers to ‘the others’ and present company is usually excepted. The British, in common with most other races, don’t have a lot of time for foreigners, particularly rich tourists and foreigners who buy up all the best property, and who should all stay at home. Most Britons’ image of foreigners is gleaned from the stereotypes portrayed on television. For example, every Briton knows that all Americans are millionaires with flash cars, murderers or policemen (or all three), drive like maniacs and make love with their clothes on in full make-up. However, it’s the Germans and Japanese who, despite providing us with reliable cars and other things that work, remain the baddest of baddies and are still portrayed as ‘the enemy’ in weekly television (TV) reruns of World War II.

Understatements

The British are masters of the understatement and rarely rave about anything. If they’re excited about something they sometimes enthuse “that’s nice” and, on the rare occasion when they’re deliriously happy, they’ve been known to exclaim “I say, that’s rather good”. On the other hand, if something disastrous happens (such as their house burns down) it might be termed “a spot of bother”. The end of the world will probably be pronounced “unfortunate” or, if there was something particularly good on TV that evening, it may even be greeted as “a jolly bad show” (the ultimate tragedy). The true character of the British is, however, revealed when they’re at play, particularly when they’re engaged in sport.

Sports

The British are sports mad, although most people confine their interest to watching or gambling rather than taking part. The British, or at least the English, are famous for their sense of fair play and playing by the rules – cheating is considered very bad form. Football (soccer) is the UK’s national sport and if we hadn’t taught all the other nations to play we might even be world champions. However, the real character and true sporting traditions of the English (other Brits have better things to do) are embodied in the game of cricket, a study of which provides a valuable insight into these strange islanders (and their attitude towards tea parties, religion, sex and foreigners). Foreigners may, at first, have a bit of difficulty understanding what cricket is all about (although it’s far easier to understand than British politics), but after a few decades, most get the hang of it (unlike British politics which remain a complete mystery). The first thing you must understand is that cricket is a game for gentlemen, embodying the great British traditions of fair play, honour and sportsmanship (except when played by Australians, who haven’t the remotest concept of these things).

It’s tempting (although fairly pointless) to make comparisons between cricket and a minority sport played in the US, called baseball. (The nearest equivalent in the UK is rounders, a sissy game played by girls). Imagine if you can, a baseball match that lasts five days with interminable breaks for breakfast, drinks, rain, streakers (naked runners), lunch, injuries, stray dogs, more rain, rest days, more drinks, tea, bad light, dinner, supper, and even more rain, and always ends in a draw (if not abandoned due to rain) – and you will have a rough idea what it’s all about. Despite the length of a cricket match, which varies from one to five days, it’s an enthralling and thrilling sport. On the rare occasions when things get just a teensy bit boring, there’s always something exciting to liven things up such as a newspaper blowing across the pitch, a stray dog or pigeon on the field or, on a good day, a streaker. The commentators do a sterling job and keep the audience spellbound with the most amazing and fascinating statistics and anecdotes about cricket’s legendary heroes.

The rules of cricket are a little complicated (Einstein’s theory of relativity is much easier to understand), so I won’t bore you by trying to explain them in detail (fascinating though they are). A cricket team consists of 11 players and a 12th man who has the most important job of all – carrying the drinks tray. He’s also sometimes called on to play when one of his team-mates collapses from frostbite or is overcome by excitement. Like baseball, one team bats and the other team attempts to get them out (or committed to hospital) by hurling a ball at the batsman’s head. The team in the field (not batting) stands around in set positions with peculiar names such as gulley, slips, short leg, square leg, long leg, peg leg, cover point, third man (they made a film about him), mid-off, mid-on and oddest of all – silly mid-off and silly mid-on. Only someone who’s a few pence short of a pound stands directly in front of a batsman as he’s about to hit a very hard ball in your direction at around 100mph (160kph).

When the bowler strikes the wicket or the batsman with the ball everyone shouts in unison “Howzat” (very loudly, on the assumption that the umpire is asleep, hard of hearing, short-sighted or all three). Cricketers play in a white uniform and the only colourful things about the game are the ball (red) and the language used by the batsman (blue) when he’s hit by the ball or when the umpire gives him out leg before wicket (lbw) to a ball that didn’t touch him, and in any case was a million miles away from the wicket. One of the unwritten rules of cricket is that the players (gentlemen) never argue with the umpire, no matter how shortsighted, biased and totally ignorant of the rules the idiot is.

The Aussies (Australians), whom everyone knows have no respect for tradition (and couldn’t give a XXXX for anything that doesn’t emanate from a tinny or a barrel), have attempted to brighten up the game’s image by dressing like clowns for one-day matches (yet another sacrilege to the old school). One of the worst mistakes the English ever made was to teach foreigners how to play cricket (or any other sport), as the ungrateful blighters get a sadistic delight from rubbing their mentors’ noses in the dirt. One of the problems with foreigners is that they have no concept of how gentlemen should behave and fail to realise that the real purpose of sport is taking part and nothing at all to do with winning. Gallant losers are feted as heroes in the UK and heroic defeats against overwhelming odds are infinitely preferable to easy (hollow) victories.

Queuing

The British have a passion for queuing (lining up) and appear to outsiders to have endless patience – as you would expect from a nation that can endure a five-day cricket match. The British queue everywhere for everything, including football tickets, sales (when people queue for days or weeks), buses, trains, aircraft, fast food (or slow food if there’s a long queue), post offices, government offices, hospital beds, concerts, cafeterias, doctors’ and dentists’ waiting rooms, groceries, supermarkets, theatre tickets, banks and payphones. The other form of queue popular in the UK is the traffic jam. Many motorists spend their weekdays bumper to bumper driving round and round the M25 motorway, which is circular to make it easier to get back to where you started. At weekends, motorists often get withdrawal symptoms and go for a drive with the family, friends, relatives and the dog, in search of a traffic jam, usually to be found anywhere near coastal areas from spring to autumn, particularly on public holiday weekends.

Queuing isn’t always a necessity, but simply a herd instinct that compels people to huddle together (in winter it helps to keep warm), except of course when travelling by public transport, when the rules are somewhat different. On public transport you must never sit next to anyone when an empty seat is available and you must spread yourself and your belongings over two or three seats and never move for anyone. (The best way is to feign sleep with a belligerent expression on your face - most people wouldn’t dare disturb you). You must avoid looking at your fellow passengers at all costs (in case a stranger smiles at you), usually achieved by staring fixedly at the back of a newspaper or out of the window. Whatever you do, don’t open a window and let in any nasty fresh air, which will cause a riot.

Lousy Lovers

There’s not a word of truth in the rumour that British men are lousy lovers (or all gay), which is a cheap lie put about by sex-mad Latinos so that they can keep all the women for themselves. Slanderous foreign propagandists have calculated that the British make love an average of twice a month. To add insult to injury they also estimate this is more often than we bathe (which is a damn insult, as the average Briton washes at least once a week). If you find a foreigner under your bed or in your bath don’t be alarmed, he’ll only be conducting a sex survey for Paris Match or Der Spiegel.

Although perhaps not the most romantic of lovers (but much better than those unctuous Italians, who are all talk and no trousers and have the lowest birth-rate in Europe), the British know what it’s for and don’t need a ruler to measure their manhood (neither do we all get our kicks flashing, mooning or being whipped by women in leather underwear). Judging by the illegitimate birth rate (around 40 per cent of all births), many Britons don’t wait until they’re married to find out what sex is all about either. ‘No Sex Please, We’re British’ is simply a challenge to women who have had their fill of Latinos with short fat hairy legs (how does a woman make love to someone who only comes up to her knees anyway?). Sex is definitely not simply a person’s gender and most Britons take more than a hot-water bottle to bed with them.

British women are among the most emancipated in the world – not that the weaker sex (men) gave in graciously – and are allowed to vote and drive cars. Nevertheless, it’s difficult, if not impossible, for women to claw their way to the top of most professions or into boardrooms, which remain bastions of male chauvinism. Of course, no self-respecting man would allow himself to be dominated by a mere woman, unless of course he’s a wimp and she’s a handbag-wielding, belligerent battler. If British (male) politicians learnt nothing else during the Thatcher years, it was the utter havoc a woman can wreak in the boardroom.

Money and Gambling

The main problem with the British economy (apart from the ineptitude of British politicians) is that many Britons lack ambition. They certainly want ‘loadsamoney’, but would rather do almost anything than work for it (contrary to the popularly held misconception that ‘hard work never did anyone any harm’, the British know only too well that it can prove fatal). The British are reluctant entrepreneurs and many succeed in their own business only when forced into it.

Most people prefer to try their luck at gambling (rather than work) and will bet on almost anything, including the national lottery, football pools, horse and greyhound racing, bingo, casinos, names of royal babies or ships, public appointments, election results and who the Prime Minister will sack next (or who will resign) – you name it and someone will make a book on it. (One of the reasons that gambling is so popular in Britain is that gambling debts are unenforceable in law). However, the attitude to gambling is changing. Nowadays, someone who wins a fortune on the lottery is unlikely to declare that it won’t change his life and that he’ll be keeping his job as a ?50 a week farm labourer (instead he’ll buy a villa in Spain, a yacht and a Ferrari). If the British injected as much energy into work and business as they do into gambling, they might even be able to compete with the Germans and Japanese.

Politics

The UK’s electoral system is of course unique (nobody would be daft enough to copy it) and elections are decided by the first horse (or ass) past the post. This means that the party in power rarely has more than around 40 per cent of the total vote and minority parties can poll 25 per cent of the vote and end up with only a handful of seats. Of course, nobody in the UK actually votes for a political party, particularly the one that wins the election (or at least nobody admits to it). Most are registering a protest vote or voting for the party they hope will do the least damage. Despite their singular lack of success, the minority parties battle manfully on and include such defenders of democracy as the Monster Raving Loony Party (the only British political party with an honest name).

Surprisingly few women are MPs, which proves conclusively that they’re more intelligent than men and have better things to do with their lives than hurl insults at each other (politicians are the only children who immature with age). The calibre of British politicians may have something to do with the fact that politicking is the only job that doesn’t require any qualifications, training or brains. Nonetheless, as with most charlatans and confidence tricksters, there’s honour among politicians who rarely stab each other in the back (when someone is looking). Although British politicians seldom tell the truth and government statistics are all but meaningless due to the myriad ways of calculating and distorting them, politicians never in fact tell lies. A politician may accuse another honourable member only of being economical with the truth, but never of lying.

One of the favourite pastimes of British politicians (when not playing golf or holidaying in exotic places at taxpayers’ expense) is sitting on committees, which after weeks of intense discussions and meetings (standing, select, joint, sitting, party, etc.), produce volumes of recommendations. So as not to waste any more time and taxpayers’ money, these are promptly filed in the dustbin and forgotten about. British politics are totally incomprehensible and deadly boring to all foreigners – and almost everyone else.

European Union

Some people (usually foreigners) think that the British are out of step with their ‘partners’ in the European Union (EU). Of course, as any Briton will tell you, the only reason we don’t always see eye to eye with the damn foreigners (who make up the insignificant part of the EU) is that they refuse to listen to us and do as we tell them. (Whatever happened to the good old days when Johnny Foreigner knew his place?). It must be obvious to everyone that we know best; just look at our manufacturing industry, modern infrastructure, culinary traditions, public services, roads, cricket team; of course, having a transport system and things that work isn’t everything.

The notion that the UK doesn’t always know best is ridiculous and if there’s to be a united Europe, those foreign bounders had better mend their ways. (We didn’t fight two world wars so that Jerry and the Frogs – who we bailed out twice – could tell us what to do!). They can start by adopting British time, driving on the left, making English their national language, anglicising their ridiculous names and moving the EU headquarters and parliament to London - which every civilised person knows is the centre of the universe. Perhaps then we would all get on much better! If they don’t agree, we can always fill in our end of the Channel Tunnel and refuse to answer the telephone. Many Britons firmly believe that the UK is still a world power, when in reality it doesn’t have a lot of influence in the modern world. This ‘little England’ attitude means that, to most Britons, Europe is a place full of foreigners where the sun shines when they go on holiday. Most are unaware of, or choose to ignore, the fact that the UK is actually part of it (at least geographically).

The secret of life

The secret of life in the UK is to maintain a sense of humour (and carry a big umbrella). Most Brits have a lively sense of humour and a keen sense of the ridiculous, which helps make life in the UK bearable. (The worst insult is to accuse someone of having no sense of humour). One of the things that endears the British most to foreigners is their ability to poke fun at themselves (the British don’t take themselves too seriously) and everyone else, as typified in TV programmes such as Monty Python and Dead Ringers. Nothing escapes the barbs of the satirists: from the Pope to the Prime Minister, the President of the US to the Royal Family, everyone is lampooned with equal affection.

It’s often difficult for foreigners to understand British humour or to recognise when someone is being serious or joking, although the subject at hand usually offers a clue. Generally, the more earnest or solemn the topic, the more likely they are to be joking. Amazingly, some foreigners think that the British have no sense of humour, usually Americans who don’t understand our subtle way with words and cannot understand real English anyway. Many foreigners believe the British are at least a little eccentric and, at their worst, stark staring bonkers.

A serious bit!

Enough of this flippancy – now for the serious bit! The UK has its fair share of problems and is still failing in many vital areas, including transport, health and manufacturing (apart from those industries we’ve sold to foreigners). However, we are still world leaders in pageantry, binge drinking and football hooliganism. Major concerns include rising crime (particularly juvenile and violent crime), the uneven quality of state education, a flourishing drugs culture, the failing health service, inequality (the growing gulf between rich and poor), a looming pensions crisis, pollution, awful public transport, homelessness, overcrowded roads, urban blight, a spiralling cost of living and a burgeoning underclass. Apart from that everything is perfect.

The worst crisis is among the UK’s young working class males, among whom a lack of a sense of purpose and unemployment commonplace in widespread. This is reflected in their suicide rate, which has risen sharply in the last decade. Perhaps the most serious decline in British life is shown in the combined effects of loss of social cohesion and sense of community, and the breakdown of the family unit. Almost half of marriages end in divorce and some 40 per cent of all births are to unmarried mothers, which has resulted in a high proportion of one-parent families.

However, not everything is depressing in Britain and the quality of life is considered by many foreigners to be excellent and among the best in the world. In the last two decades, the UK has become a more entrepreneurial society, in which people are increasingly ready to take risks and are less dependent on the state. It has also become a more European nation, less afraid of European bogeymen and domination by foreigners (although the euro is still a hard sell).

Most Britons are better off today than they’ve ever been and optimism about the future has characterised the last decade. This has largely coincided with the election of a dynamic and up-beat Labour government to replace the discredited Conservatives in 1997, although ten years down the road the two are almost indistinguishable. Labout have tried hard to improve things – although not as hard as they have worked to line their own pockets – but it seems that everything they touch turns to ashes. An obsession with political spin-doctoring and public relations has tended to obscure any positive improvements, which in any case have been over-shadowed by the disastrous Iraq war. The conscious branding of the country as ‘cool Britannia’ now looks a little dated, but nonetheless the underlying reality remains the same. Good restaurants flourish and fashion, music, nightlife and style are all fields in which the UK can now hold its own with the world’s best.

Entertainment

The British enjoy superb entertainment, leisure, sports and cultural facilities, which for their sheer variety and accessibility are among the best in the world (but increasingly expensive). The quality and huge choice of goods in the shops is excellent and explains why many people travel from far and wide simply to shop in Britain. British television has no equal, national and local radio is excellent, and the country has an unrivalled choice of quality newspapers, magazines and literature. The UK is a caring society, highlighted by the abundance of charitable and voluntary organisations, unparalleled in any other country, all of which do invaluable work (nationally and internationally). The UK remains a centre of scientific excellence underlined by its number of Nobel prize-winners. It’s also one of the least corrupt and most civilised countries in the world.

The British have more freedom from government interference than the people of most countries to do, say and act any way they like, something most of them take for granted. The UK is still a great enlightened power (if a little frayed at the edges) and a positive influence in the world and London remains the centre of the English-speaking world. Whatever else it may be, life in the UK is spiritually, mentally and intellectually stimulating and rarely dull. Although foreigners may occasionally complain about Britain and the British weather, most feel they’re privileged to live there and wouldn’t dream of leaving.

Last, but certainly not least, there are the British people, who, although they can be infuriating at times, will charm and delight you with their sense of humour and idiosyncrasies. When your patience with the UK and the British is stretched to breaking point, simply take yourself off to the nearest pub and order a pint of ale or a large gin and tonic: the UK looks an even nicer place through the bottom of a (rose-tinted) glass, and, with a bit of luck, you won’t even notice that it’s still raining.

Long Live Britain! God Save the Queen!

This article is an extract from Living and working in Britain. Click here to get a copy now.

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Other comments

  • geeboy, 19 November 2011 Reply

    Jonesey

    I can only assume this load of garbage was written by an eighth grader who had only back copies of the National Geographic from the 50s as a source of reference.This reads like the sort of thing they gave out in a booklet to GIs making their way across the Atlantic in 1942. The British think Americans are fat, poorly educated, chew tobacco, spit, sleep with their near relatives and shoot each other on a regular basis. Or they might think that if they were as badly informed about America as Americans are about Britain. Thankfully they're not. By the way, you switched nationalities a couple of times in the text, so I don't know what you are. A laughable effort that would do a prospective visitor to Britain a disservice.

    • Roderick Chiswick-Bolton 23 Feb 2012, 04:10

      The above

      I'm fairly sure that it wasn't stated as a serious comment on Britons in general. If it were I would agree with you. However, it isn't, I read it in the way that was intended and enjoyed the experience, particularly that of reading the cricket, I might add. If this wasn't what you were looking for then I might ask you why you read past the first paragraph, as it clearly states that should be potentially offended in any way by the following text, stop reading? Wind your neck in.

    • Grendel 01 Jul 2012, 08:10

      The above above

      What Rod said. Unwad your panties, g-boy. It's all for a laugh except the last bit.

    • Gnuview 10 Jul 2012, 05:50

      @geeboy

      Oh dear old man, I think someone has rather missed the point.

  • al, 20 June 2012 Reply

    reply

    Roderick Chiswick-Bolton - So, you 'enjoyed the experience' did you? The experience of reading a load of contrived bullshit on a PC screen at 4 o' clock in the morning doesn't sound particularly compelling to me. Maybe its because you're from bolton and you are easily entertained. Afterall it's where Peter Kay came from. truth is the russkies could nuke the place and no-one would mind / notice, except perhaps for the pakistani government.

    • Spankyta 14 Aug 2012, 10:50

      all of it

      I think it's reallly funny. After all that's what hyperbole it's for.

    • James 13 Sep 2012, 01:16

      The Above

      Are you sure this isn't about australia? That is where most of these stereotype middle class english have gone and flourished, Its more OZ than Britain in 2012! Though a comical look at british culture, its probably not serving any purpose on this website!