Why is it so hard to make friends in China?

• I have been living for 4 months now in China - and all my friends are foreigners!!! Why is it so hard to make Chinese friends? Sometimes I get the impression that they prefer to stay amongst themselves. This is not really what I expected when I came here.

  14 Apr 2008, 11:12 Frank

Replies

• Takes time

  I've been here for over a year now and I'm finally "getting in". I read a lot of articles and social know hows, like http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/global-etiquette/china-country-profile.html
  
  But in general they are really friendly, but they just don't seem to see you as a real friend, just "that foreigner". Give it some more time, with the same people, and this will go away.

  Martin 14 Apr 2008, 11:20 - Report

• build the faith relation

  Maybe it need some time to build the faith relation. And go on share your empressement ,communicate more with others , i think we would make friends with people around us))
  [email removed]
  Eric

  Eric 14 Apr 2008, 11:21 - Report

• Communication Problem

  May be language problems, can not lead to good communication. I'm chinese foreigner in ShenZhen China.

  Cute Little Pig 05 Aug 2008, 06:08 - Report

• ..

  i do not think there are just "lenguage" problems, but maybe Cultur problems too.

  xy 28 Aug 2008, 03:50 - Report

• chinese are shy

  in fact, most of chinese are shy, they need more time to accept you, your empressement is important.
  you can talk with me, my msn is [email removed]

  lim 21 Oct 2008, 10:25 - Report

• RELIGION

  is it some kind of religion?

  jengo 26 Oct 2008, 10:27 - Report

• cindy

  Maybe it needs time ..
  [email removed]
  i am living in xiamen city,south of China.

  cindy 03 Nov 2008, 07:31 - Report

• maybe it is culture gap

  mein email und msn: [email removed]
  
  Willkommen Freunde in Shanghai

  Jeff 10 Nov 2008, 06:35 - Report

• actually not so difficutle to get a chinese friend

  i am a chinese, and my wife is a "foreigner", and we got to know each other in china, first i dont think chinese are shy, because shy is a word for kinder, not for adult, i prefer "conservative" second you want to get chinese friend, dont expect they will come to you, because most of them are conservative some kind of or bad english or other reason, so you have to come to them, show your empressement and patient, then you will find autually chinese is not so difficult to get along..
  i like to communicate some of this issure
  [email removed]

  iamchinese 10 Nov 2008, 07:12 - Report

• We would like to make friends with you

  Hi,I'm Emily, and I'm a Chinese girl. Chinese people are willing to make friends with foreigners. But some of them can't speak English well. And some of them are not so confident to talk to you.If you want to know more about Chinese people.
  i'd like to be your friend and discuss with you.
  My msn: [email removed]

  Emily 10 Nov 2008, 08:59 - Report

• I think you may give more time to the people

  i am a university students,and i want to make friends to foreign student in our university .but to many of us it is a really challenge.first the language is a handicap,as in China to pass the exam is the most important reason that we learn english .so using english in daylife always make some mistakes.furthermore,this mistakes make us so frustration.
  
  so i think you will give the people arroud you more time ,and encourage them in many aspect like in english.
  maybe little time or little confidence,you will make friends in China.

  dong 10 Nov 2008, 12:27 - Report

• I asked the same question in Canada

  I am a Chinese immigrant in Toronto, Canada. For most of us, have the same problem to make friends with local people. Language is kind of barrier, but it only happens at the very begining. I think the culture difference is the key point. Hard to overcome.

  Oliver likehiking@Hotmail.com 10 Nov 2008, 06:56 - Report

• make friends

  Hi,I am Li gang,my hometown is Inner Mongolia,I am a chinese boy.I want to make friends with foreigners.I'd like to be your friend.My qq number is 632451057

  li gang 12 Nov 2008, 02:21 - Report

• !!!

  i am a chinese girl in tianjin,i have a foreigner friend,i think the greatest problem is language ,always what i said they didn't know about it.because chinese don't say something directly.
  [email removed]

  jenny 12 Nov 2008, 04:04 - Report

• colin

  hello.i think it is not difficult to make friend with chinese.maybe you didn't find right to person to communicate.hehe.the language is a big problem .you could find someone who speak good english like me hehe: )
  [email removed]

  colin 12 Nov 2008, 09:55 - Report

• maybe not

  Well, I don't think it's hard to deal with this kind of case. Most of chinese, they might worried if any motivation to come to them, because we heard a lot of bad news regarding foreigner, we might think, you are foreigner, we are chinese, we have different meaning to define FRIEND, just hang out togehter time to time, we don't think it's friendship. If you see some chinese treat you very well, perhaps they just treat you as guest from other country. Especially in some small cities. In Shenzhen, Shanghai or Beijing, Guangzhou, the people live there have changed something from original chinese culture, so it seems they tend to use to western culture..
  I am also a chinese, it's just my own opinion for reference.

  Cora 18 Dec 2008, 12:27 - Report

• want a life partner

  Hello
  i am the new member in here.
  i am just 26 years old.
  i want enjoy my life forever.
  for this purpose i find some good friend
  who will be good and few days later will be great one for me.
  i want a partner to enjoy my life.
  so if you are agree to make friendship or make relation with me
  please contact me because i want a good in USA or any other country.
  contact me. Here below my address.
  [email removed]

  lillian007 04 Jan 2009, 08:17 - Report

• I think I know why

  I am chinese and I think i can share my thoughts with you. CHinese in general are quite shy and especially friends from CHina, they dont really speak english well. So they will appear to be insensitive or unfriendly to you. But the opposite is the case actually. The Chinese really want to make friends with foreigners but there is a huge language and cultural barrier.
  
  One way is for you to try and meet them on internet first. Try to get to know them first through emails / QQ (the local MSN). MOst of them can write english quite well and you should be able to make friends. After that you can then get to know them better and become close friends in real life.
  
  There is a good website i can recommened for you to make friends with chinese people. ECPod is a site that connect you with CHina and the main purpose is to let you make friends with them.
  
  Check it out: http://www.ecpod.com
  
  Disclaimer: I am the owner of ECPod

  LLL 26 Jan 2009, 02:38 - Report

• find a foreigner friend

  Hi, My name is Rebecca,23y old, I'm local.i wanna find a foreigner friend,I'm a nurse.I am easy-going, understanding, optimistic and open-mind. I’m an honest, caring and cheerful woman who is love nature and travelling. I love laugh and fun. I enjoy all kinds of outdoor healthy activities. I like out doors. if you also love Chinese culture and people. please make a friend with me, I'll take you go around in beijing. If you feel interest, please call me or sand message. my cell phone number is 13466702082, only make a good friend.

  Rebecca 09 Apr 2009, 10:28 - Report

• make friends

  if you want to make chinese friends and learn chinese ,then you can contact me:[email removed]

  ying 20 Apr 2009, 09:58 - Report

• lol

  i am wondering what do u mean by culture barriers here....i mean 2 be specific...i find at least in sex part, guys from this 2 countries r hard 2 get a common ground

  rachel 26 Apr 2009, 08:46 - Report

• Make Friends

  I think at the end it has got to do with the language and cultural barrier. I hope the article below will be useful to you. Good luck.
  
  When in Rome, why not let the Romans teach you?
  
  In Huangshan (黄山), southern Anhui province in Eastern China, Fu Shou-Bing logs on to the computer in the public library near his village. Since discovering ECpod.com, the retired High School Chemistry teacher has been logging on almost every day to the English-Chinese teaching website. Sometimes he cycles the 25 miles home, cooks himself a simple lunch of rice and stir-fried vegetables with salted fish, often returning once again to the library and his new hobby in the evening.
  
  ECpod.com boasts an educational website that teaches members conversational English or Chinese (no "this is an apple" stuff here) via video clips contributed by other members. After a vetting and often transcribing process by language tutors commissioned by the site, the clips are available free of charge in YouTube fashion. The twist? Members film each other in everyday activities, hoping other members will learn not just their native tongue, but also cultural innuendos lost in textbooks and more conventional means of language learning.
  
  "One member filmed himself cooking in his kitchen. We got a few emails asking what condiments he used," says a bemused Warwick Hau, one of the site's more public faces. One emailer even wanted to know if she could achieve the same Chinese stir-fry using ingredients from her regular CR Vanguard (华润超级) supermarket. "We often forget our every day activities may not be as mundane to people on the other side of the world," Hau adds. Another such clip is "loaches" - a Chinese mother of 3 filmed her children and their friends playing with a bucket of loaches - slippery eel-like fish the children were picking up and gently squeezing.
  
  Lately the members have also begun to make cross-border friends and contacts. The ECpal function works much the same way sites like Facebook.com and MySpace.com work – members can invite each other to view their clips and make friends. And it has its fair share of juvenile humor as well. “Farting Competition” features two teenagers and graphic sound effects. Within a week, the clip had 569 hits and was one of the most popular videos of the week, likely due to mass-forwarding by the participants’ schoolmates.
  
  For other members keen to learn more than the fact juvenile humor is similar everywhere, there are many home videos featuring unlikely little nuggets of wisdom. “The last thing I learned from the site is why you’ll never find green caps for sale in China,” says Adam Schiedler one of the English language contributors to the site. Green caps signify cuckolded husbands, particularly shameful in China as they are a huge loss of face. Adam vows not to buy any green headgear for his newfound friends.
  
  The subject matter of the videos often speaks volumes about its contributors. Members choose their own content and film the clip wherever they please, some of their efforts drawing attention to rural surroundings and the quaint insides of little homes otherwise not seen unless you backpack your way thru the tiny dirt roads and villages along the Chinese countryside.

  Susan 26 Apr 2009, 02:36 - Report

• Make Friends

  Sorry forgot to let you know the website to make friends in CHina. It is:
  
  http://www.ecpod.com

  Susan 26 Apr 2009, 02:37 - Report

• I'm a Chinese man, I'd prefer to make friends with you.

  You know there is a lot of different between countries.But I must tell you our Chinese people are very happy to get along with you!A lot of Chinese don't speak English well and we aren't confident to talk with you, like me.so the most of times they don't say anything with you, but if you try to communicate to them.they will try them best to talk with you.If you'd like to know Chinese well.It's my pleasure to talk with you! This's my MSN: [email removed].

  Boddi 15 May 2009, 07:01 - Report

• Finnish in China

  Hello!
  I'm a finnish girl, just moved to China and feeling a bit lonely.
  From the answers above, I catched a point, that Chinese people are pretty shy and not very confident about their English skills.
  This is just great! This is just like descriping a finnish person!
  Two shy people, wanting to know each other better, but don't have enough courage to get close. What's the result?

  Anni 16 May 2009, 03:27 - Report

• hi

  i am chinese.i live in beijing . i want make some friends. who can speak english well. if you like learn chinese i am sure i can teach you very well. if you have time please contact me : my MSN: [email removed] or skype: marylike2008 .thanks

  Mary 18 May 2009, 10:31 - Report

• friend

  don't worry

  gg 09 Jun 2009, 08:05 - Report

• hi

  can we be friends?
  [email removed]

  sami 06 Jul 2009, 11:47 - Report

• interested in finnsich culture

  hi my name is zhu,yanchao. i have been once in finland. from that time on, i always dream about finland. i am confident about my english. unluckily in my daily life or work, there is no need for me to use.

  chao 09 Jul 2009, 08:07 - Report

• umm,It's just like ...?

  wanna make friend with me ? [email removed] I'm living in Shen zhen , Nearby Hong Kong and Macau . just trust me, I'm adorable and honest , If you really wanna make friends with Chinese people .then , Just do it . I think a lots of Chinese guy or girl ,Wanna to be friends with you guys .

  william 16 Jul 2009, 09:58 - Report

• here is a Chinese girl would like to make friend with you...and you?

  where do you come from?
  can I make a friend with you?
  
  [email removed]

  Nina 17 Jul 2009, 12:36 - Report

• looking for some friends in Shanghai area!!

  hi, I m Tony ,I came from Shanghai lol....just done my time in Austrlia....and came back home...recently.....i felt ...different and some feeling hard to say...just add me on [email removed],talk 2 ya soon....cheers

  Tony 23 Jul 2009, 02:26 - Report

• Please feel free to contact me!!!!

  Welcome to china.I live in Shenzhen and I like making friend you.My QQ is 651072147 and my MSN is [email removed]

  Stephen 30 Jul 2009, 09:16 - Report

• Please feel free to contact me

  Welcome to china.I live in Shenzhen and I like making friend you.My QQ is 651072147 and my MSN is [email removed]

  stephen 03 Aug 2009, 11:17 - Report

• seek a secret friend...

  Nice to meet you ...i am steven,26 years old 180/35KG,a local man in beijing ...and i live in Dong Zhi Menj...shall we make friends with each other?we can have a talk in english or chinese ,maybe we have the same positive attitude of our life...This my e-mail...and i will tell you my cell phone number:13811890052,if you wanna,please text message to me or call me.anyway it's up to you ....good luch with your work...

  zc_first 06 Aug 2009, 03:46 - Report